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Wankers, stand down.

February 27, 2015

Here we go again.

Somebody somewhere said something mean about craft beer. Now the internet is in an uproar. I am not going to link to it; if you want to read it, trust me it will come to you.

Ok, let’s forget for a minute that the author is a freelance writer who gets more work if her articles get noticed and they will get noticed more if they create a stir.

Let’s also forget the fact that craft beer is so hot right now that all you need to do is stick ‘craft beer’ and ‘top 10’ into a headline and you are all but guaranteed to go viral.

Finally, let’s also forget the fact that the only thing that guarantees better traffic than “craft beer” is “hate craft beer”. Exhibit ‘A’: Budweiser.

If you shared the outrage, well done. That showed them.

Ok, now let’s look at what she said. If I can boil it down: if you drink craft beer you’re a wanker.

Now, I say this in the kindest possible way, but there is every chance that you are. Studies show that nine out of ten people who, when they hear the word ‘Galaxy’ think ‘Hops’, are in fact wankers.

I know this, because I am a wanker. Not just a beer wanker. I am also a running wanker. You may know me.

I discovered running a year or so ago and when I did, it was all I could talk about. Someone would casually say, “Great day!” and I would reply, “really, It’s a bit hot for running”.

Someone else would ask “Matt, how are you?” And I’d reply “well my legs are a bit sore from running this morning”. Trust me, I could work running into every sentence. All I talked about were splits and the merits or a particular shoe.  I was a deadset running wanker.

Now that I think of it, in the 80s when running was really popularised, there was a slew of books hating on running and those who did it? Why? Because runners bored everybody else around them talking about running. Runners were everywhere. They made everyone else feel bad for not running. If someone else liked cycling, they’d get a lecture on how much better running was than cycling.

Notice a pattern here?

Craft beer has exploded in the last few years. That means A LOT of people have discovered craft beer in that time. It is a proven fact that anyone who is new to any interest bores the living shit out of anyone who does not share that interest. So, if you’re surprised that hating craft beer has suddenly become a spectator sport, don’t be. There’s probably a pretty good reason for it.

If you’re pissed and angry that someone said something nasty about craft beer, get over yourself and look at what else they are saying. And this article actually made one or two valid points. Namely, craft beer drinkers seem to feel the need not only to extol the virtue of craft beer , they need to put down the beers that the vast majority of people drink at the same time. When I criticise the beer you have chosen to drink and enjoy, while telling you how superior my choice is, it’s pretty hard not to feel a little slighted yourself and hate on me because of it.

If you’ve ever been intimdated ordering wine in a restaurant by someone holding themselves out as being more knowledgeable and discerning than you and hated on them for it, you might understand. Only magnify it by at least 15 because wine is almost expected to be intimidating and beer is meant to be for everyone.

The last thing that I wanted to say is that I really don’t know what this means, but Jim Fixx – the man who popularised running in the 80s and extolled the health benefits of the sport – died of a heart attack. While running.


6 Responses to Wankers, stand down.

  1. Jon on March 1, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Judging ill of other people/venues for the mainstream beers they actually may like to drink/sell is not the best way to win friends and influence people to explore more diverse beer.

    I sadly note that Craft Beer Rising did just that yesterday by calling beer that about 96% of our population quite like “crap”… “Point 5: If all your local venues sell crap beer, gift the landlord a bottle of your favourite Aussie craft beer and suggest they get with the program.”


  2. Joe Horvath on February 27, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Oh!?! go on…. link me to the article.

  3. Mark on February 27, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    i’m not only a craft beer wanker but i’m also an architecture wanker… and a music wanker … and i would never change that for a moment. I’m enjoying waking on about the things i love and no amount of hate will change my ways.

  4. Chris on February 27, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    I don’t even care that she called craft beer drinkers wankers… I’m just disappointed that a news source that frequently calls out Tony Abbott for being conservative and “backwards-thinking” would then willingly post an article referring to something (ANYTHING) as “un-Australian”.

    • Mason Hell-Cat on February 27, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      This was my biggest problem with the article too. I don’t care that she doesn’t like craft beer, I don’t care that she doesn’t *get* it. I do care that she extols an old Howard era sound byte by calling it un-Australian. Does she also feel vegetarians are un-Australian because we’ve always been a nation of big meat eaters? Does she call anti-fascists un-Australian because we were built on racism?

  5. Tony Bilbrough on February 27, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    So true, all of it. Same with wine and Hash House Harriers! A great point of view

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