I post this because I wish I had written it. It seems to take me a thousand words to say what smarter people can say in 177.
Anyway, my article about CUB’s nonsense around the relaunch of Crown Lager has inspired a self-described “passionate lover of fine beer and finerer beer marketing” to pen this Clark & Dawe style exchange.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Brian: Is that Crown Lager?
CUB Marketing: Yes now its Australia’s finest you know.
Brian: But I thought it was always Australia’s finest.
CUB Marketing: Yes it’s always been Australia’s finest but we’ve changed the ingredients slightly. But you will never know. So it tastes the same.
Brian: Well why did you change if we cannot notice?
CUB Marketing: Well we are changing the taste, creamier smoother; a finer taste!
Brian: So you have changed the taste?
CUB Marketing: No no, only the ingredients have changed, the taste is still the same.
Brian: So if it’s still the same and nobody notices why did you bother?
CUB Marketing: Ahhh we just thought you deserved the finest ingredients.
Brian: But you always said it was Australia’s finest.
CUB Marketing: Yes well it was. I mean “it is.” This is “even more finest – finerer.”
Brian: “Even more finest” – hmm really?
CUB Marketing: Yes and better tasting too!
Brian: Are you sure you have not changed the water as well?
CUB Marketing: Actually that’s a good idea we will look at that this afternoon, but don’t worry it will still taste the same.
Aside/stage whisper: “why does this remind me of Coke Classic?”
Ahhh, It would be funny if it wasn’t actually what they said when they announced it. Perhaps this is why, as has been pointed out elsewhere, the cursive ‘r’ in Crown looks distinctly like an ‘l’.